Faith, Hope, Belief - a gift most extraordinaire
The following is the tribute I spoke at Brian Schlador's memorial on March 8, 2014
Brian is the most extraordinary person I have ever had
the privilege of knowing. The depth of my sorrow gives birth to enormous gratitude
for being the recipient of a gift most precious, a soul mate and most intimate friend.
Proverbs 27:17 says “As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens
another.” Brian was just one of many tools that God has used over the years to
sharpen me. Marriage is by far the most challenging adventure I have ever been
on. But in Brian, I was gifted with an extraordinary love that grew deeper with
every challenge. Brian was Christ to me. While not a perfect lover, in the
strength of the Lord, he strove to love me as Christ loved the Church, that is,
as Christ laid down his life for us. Brian poured himself out for me over the
years. Around the time I met Brian, my battle with inoperable back pain and
chronic illness began. As partners in life and family he usually shouldered a
heavier burden because of my frailties and he did so with pleasure. I count it
a privilege that somehow God enabled me to empty myself for him this past year.
Brian’s imperfect but extraordinary love for me
was the gateway for me to truly believe that the Creator of the universe loves
me unconditionally with no strings attached.
I often wrestle with hope and belief. In the face of
Brian’s enormous suffering from the belly of my soul I would cry out “why?” and
“how is this your plan?”. Brian did not. One of the side benefits of being your
husband’s chauffeur while he is taking lots of drugs is having lots of time to
talk. And with each visit to the doctor, it seemed that there was always more
disappointing news. We had many somber trips home. On one such occasion I said
to Brian, “Do you ever wonder if God is a fantasy? Do you ever wonder if He’s
really there?” To which he responded simply, “no”. And I reeled back, “How is
that possible? How are you not doubting right now?” Without even pausing he
said, “I see God everywhere, I can’t look at creation and deny His existence. I
see His hand in everything, He has never once left us alone, He has always been
faithful.” I don’t share this to guilt anyone for asking the tough questions, I
always ask the tough questions and God in his mercy allows me to wrestle with
Him and get to the other side. But I share it to encourage you that one so
close to passing outside the realm of time and space had an unwa
Brian desired to continue on in the body. He wasn’t
afraid of dying, but he wanted to be here for his family. And so our family
fought the battle against cancer. Our kids stayed in the fight and championed
him up until it was time to say goodbye. They have been so faithful and loving
to us both. We could not have made this journey without them. We have been so
incredibly proud of their bravery. The longer he stayed engaged in the battle
the stronger we all seemed to become. Brian gave us the gift of modeling
strength in the face of absolute suffering, a strength that can only come from
the Holy Spirit himself, in whom we have our life, our breath, our very being.
As weeks of treatment turned into months, I felt my
physical strength erode just as Brian’s body was fading. But in Brian I saw an
inner beauty and tender strength that continued to grow. I wish I had a picture
of him giving me the thumbs up sign while he was barely able to talk. Intense
radiation and three surgeries later, his neck and face had changed drastically.
Nerves removed with cancer left his left lip and tongue paralyzed and his left
eye droopy. The removal of a major muscle group made the others tighten and
pull his head down so that he could not hold his head straight. Although he
rarely complained, his physical pain was great. But his smile was all the more radiant
with the evident destruction and crooked smile and the thumbs up beemed out his
zest for life. He was more handsome and more full of life than ever before,
even though his body was fading away! This picture of him will forever be
etched in my memory.
Watching this cancer take my husband has been
unbearable. BUT I am enormously grateful I got to see Christ in Brian, strengthening
him beyond what words can describe. And even when he realized the war on this
cancer had been lost he pressed in deeper again and by faith entrusted his
family to a living God who reaches down into humanity and weaves all things
together for His good. He was willing to depart for God’s ultimate good,
whatever that may be. The day before he succumbed to unconsciousness he told me
“Susanne, for some reason God is bringing me home and leaving you here. There
must be something important for you to do. Maybe you should write a book”.
Through and through he trusted his Savior and I take immense joy knowing he is
now face to face with God.
For my part, this has been one long kiss goodnight. Six
months before Brian’s diagnosis, God revealed to me that I would lose Brian. I
did not know when. Even so, I pleaded for Brian’s earthly life every night. But
God beckoned me to live in these moments as they passed by, to not look too far
down the road, but to stay and live fully in these moments. It was an enormous
struggle for me to stay in the moment, but it was and still is my calling, to
catch the sweet moments as they pass me by and revel in them. I am so grateful
to the Lord for beckoning me this way because I have a whole treasure trove of
sweet moments in the midst of suffering captured in my memory.
I was often in agony as I watched Brian’s earthly tent erode.
The song you just watched gave me inspiration
to stay in the battle with him. It inspired me
because Brain loved the ocean and loved to surf and he was fighting cancer for
love. Love alone IS worth the fight. He fought for us and in the fight
he gave us a most extraordinary gift. He showed us a deep faith that grew
deeper still with each piece of disappointing news. In the end, he didn’t win the
battle on cancer but he did win the battle for love. He showed us enormous
strength in the face of suffering and he trusted His God, His Savior for the
outcome, and he believed that there must be a rhyme and reason for it all. And
well for the rest of us, we are headed down an open road unknown, packing with
us a love poured out for us by a husband and father, and the knowledge that God
breathed life into Brian that enabled him to do it. So all the glory goes to
God, the Divine Creator of the universe in whom we move and have our being.
One thing I know about Brian for sure, he will be
rejoicing in heaven if even just one person came to know his Lord and Savior
through his life and death. I also know that he hopes to see every one of you
on the other side. In the words of my husband to a much-loved friend just a few
days before his departure, “I’m dying, and I’m going to heaven. I want to see you
on the other side, so get right with Jesus”.
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